Couples counseling – do you believe in it?
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at
1:03 pm
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The old bromide "it takes two to tango" is never more true than when you’re talking about couples counseling. Both parties have to want help equally; both have to be willing to communicate, compromise and yes, change the way they are interacting in the framework of the relationship.
You’re together five years, yet you’re not married. So clearly there is an unwillingess–either on the side of one or both parties—to commit. That in itself is an issue that warrants exploration.
Counseling isn’t about "changing" anyone, but learning about yourself, your partner as well as the best way to communicate feelings without collateral damage. It’s about ascertaining that you both are on the same page as far as goals, and whether the desire to be together outweighs other considerations. It’s work, and important work, and the commitment must be equally strong with the both of you. Two or three sessions isn’t going to accomplish very much.
Make sure the counselor is also a degreed psychotherapist; the fact is, anybody can hang up a shingle and call themselves a "marriage" or "couples counselor." Check their accreditation and degree before you decide to start.